Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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