I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
did you just send me my own nude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
