I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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