yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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