The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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