Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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