I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
