And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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