I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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