Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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