i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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