I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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