so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
