I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
did you just send me my own nude
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
