not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
