so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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