So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
