You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
