just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
