I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
