could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
