Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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