ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
