what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
