I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
