I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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