i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
