Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
