guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
