I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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