Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
