Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
