i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
