Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
