She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just gargled with NyQuil
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
