It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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