I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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