I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
