Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
