just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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