I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
