Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
