If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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