we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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