May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
