Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
