Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
