if you like me you must not know who I am
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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