a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this just has baby written all over it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?