how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize