It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.