put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different