And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
