Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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