Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
