So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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