I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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