i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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