does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
