I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
