I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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