when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
