I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
