I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
