I puked a lego.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
