Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
