Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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