I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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